You use your phone in a house, with a mouse, with a goat, on a boat, in the rain, on a train – you use it here, there and everywhere!
You use your phone with a fox, when you’re changing socks, you use it when you talk and when you are on a crosswalk!
You are hunched over, you didn’t see the clover, you were almost run over!
Seriously, people: What is so urgent that it can’t wait even another half a minute? What are you afraid will happen if you don’t respond right away, if you skip one status update or an insta this, that or the other? Is it really so important that you’re willing to sacrifice your normal, attractive walking gait and good posture for it??
I would really like to know.
Well, I try and try and try and can’t and can’t and can’t..
I asked a friend to see if my body moved upwards at all and this is what she said, hesitantly: “Well, your head moved up a little!”. So then obviously the rest of my body moved, too, right? “I guess..”
Oh, and my 12-year-old son laughs his head off every time he sees me hanging from the bar because of all the double chins that appear as soon as I start..
STILL, things are looking up, or at least my arms are looking more toned! SUCCESS! I’m no longer on level zero, I’m on level zero and a half!
NOTHING can stop me now!!!
PS. Where are the photos, you ask, those double-chin photos..? What can I say? I’m no Celeste Barber .
Yes, I admit I’d need a state-of-the-art, ultra-high-tech piece of measuring equipment from MIT or NASA to prove that there was actual movement, but STILL! There really was!
You see, a couple of weeks ago I set myself a goal: To do one chin-up!
This isn’t the first time I’ve decided to make myself stronger, but who knows? Maybe THIS TIME I actually will!
First: Inspiration! I saw my almost-18-year-old godson do pull-ups. He just grabbed whatever was handy and pulled himself up so effortlessly, no, effervescently, transcendentally! Sure, beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, but then he just went on to something else as if he’d done nothing more than take a sip of water. WOW!
Second: Research! I went online to read articles and watch videos and came to the conclusion that a weakling like me has to go SLOW. Which means just hanging from a bar. Vs. hanging out in a bar, ha ha!
ANYWAY, one trainer said the first goal is to be able to hang from a bar, arms straight, for 30 solid seconds. I set upon that goal with gusto! About seven and a half seconds later I was moaning and whining with pain.. My hands, ouch ouch ouch!
Oh boy, I’m EVEN weaker than I thought: Not even an ant could stumble on my pain threshold! I’m not sure even level zero is low enough in my case.
Oh well, I will simply go SUPER slow! And I have: For the past two weeks or so I’ve been hanging from a bar almost every day. I’m not exaggerating one bit when I say that I HAD TO take a couple of rest days. (Ouch!)
My personal record in hanging from a bar: 19 seconds! Wohoo, ALMOST two-thirds of the way towards the first goal! And it’s getting a bit boring.. So today I decided to make the hanging more interesting by first doing some abs by lifting my knees up, and then I thought that I might as well try to pull myself up, just a tiny little bit.
Well, like I said, I don’t think it qualified as “tiny little bit”, but stage 3: First glimmer of SUCCESS! Muscles in my arms and core WERE activated and I felt my arms bend and my body lift up!! Just for an almost imperceptible moment, but the movement started with my feet already in the air so it wasn’t a case of me mistaking tippy-toeing with actual lift-off so WOHOO!
Yeah, yeah, in terms of actual chin-ups I have no reason to keep my head high and chin up, at least not in a way that can be seen with the naked eye, BUT I once saw a World’s Strongest Woman competition where the contestants had to pull a little HOUSE set on tracks and I couldn’t see the houses move one bit! I did see the ladies really struggle, though, and official results showed most of them HAD pulled the house an inch or so! SO!
SO with all that I wanted to say that others may mock you, and maybe NOBODY understands the significance of your achievements, but you DID make it to the top of the mountain! Even if you were there only fleetingly, almost imperceptibly, you DID scale your own personal north face of the Eiger! And you’ll keep going even higher!
(Whether I’ll ever be able to pull my chin above a bar is a different matter..)
I took those four photos in about 30 seconds without moving from the spot I was standing on! What a wonderful show clouds put on for us – and it’s FREE! No need to book (expensive) tickets six months in advance, no queuing, no overpriced drinks!
Not enough people realize that, methinks!
(When was the last time you stopped to gaze at clouds, even for a few seconds?)
You know, the one I wrote about quite a while back?
Well, I’m now convinced his latest secret, fat girl has to be Lady Gaga! At least based on how some people have been commenting on her Super Bowl show where she dared – gasp! – to reveal her apparently less than perfect midriff. (!!?) There must be something seriously wrong with my eyesight because I can’t see the “pot belly” those people are so disgusted by. All I see is a beautiful woman, but hey, I’ve been wrong before so let’s roll with this fat-a-gaga theory!
After all, these days, if a woman doesn’t have rock-hard abs covered with nothing but flawless skin, she is considered FAT. In other words, Lady Gaga is perfect for the closeted fat-lover Leo! FINALLY he has something he can really grab and squeeze and hang on to! And she can finally relax and feel worthy! To think that to this day she’s only had talent and hard work to fall back on!!
Quite a while back I also wrote about my decision to lose weight. I haven’t talked about that since so you guessed it, I haven’t lost all that much weight. In fact, I’ve gained – not any weight, but insights into the whole women and weight and stomachs and pressure thing that makes so many people go gaga. And one of the most astonishing discoveries I’ve made is how even people I thought couldn’t care less about people’s looks or weight in fact care a great deal more than is healthy for them! On the other hand, some people who look like their lives are all about looks actually live lives filled with a much deeper purpose.
All that has led me into writing about the subject. I am currently working on a story about one woman’s panic-filled Saturday night in which I explore all those issues. More about that later this year! In the meanwhile I wish Leo and Gaga all the best!